No I am not dieing soon, so far as I know. What I mean is, The pressure cooker of, babies, wife in school & working, is going to let up. She gets her paper in Dec. She has a good job, She will be able to deal with all the bills. Not that me earning a income is over, but the grinder for me is letting off the pressure. She is set, to deal with the world, and take on the load should I fail. She is 17 years younger than me, and for the last 11 years I have been pushing to get here. I know I married the right woman because she told me to go find a job that makes me happy. No restrictions , To quote, You hate your job, you are grumpy, and unhappy, Go have a adventure, Make money send it home. She is correct, With my skills, I can double my income with a phone call. At the ripe old age of 50, I have choices to make. I am a railroader, a certified welder, a crane operator, The lead Man, meaning I run the work force without the pay of a supervisor, but get the blame. for what ever goes wrong. I truly hate my job now. I can stay there and change jobs soon, To a lesser job in the back ground, and get my license as a crop duster. That is a dream I had long ago. We tried, but my partner died, over 20 years ago. Then came kids and all that goes with that. I still have kids, I am not trying to end up in a early grave, but I can't stand how boring my life has become. Its not boring in the sense that nothing happens, it's boring in the sense that I don't care. I have spent most of my life doing what needed to be done to take care of those that I love.
Now for the first time ever It's all about me. Problem is I am so behind the times, I am scared, and not sure how to deal with my new freedom. I have adapted and dealt with every challenge, so far. Freedom can be the void you never planed for. I won't waste it, but I can't say I will use to the best effect. I intend to enjoy it for as long as it will last.
