Saturday, May 23, 2009
Daybreaker: Verizon to lost man: $20 or your life
Got a cell phone? You probably do. Everyone does. And the most widely used national carrier is Verizon. With 86.6 million wireless customers and a whopping $6.4 billion in revenue, this mega-corporation ain't hurting for cash.
So when a 62-year-old Ohio man went missing, local officials figured the best way to locate him would be to triangulate his position using a nearby Verizon cell phone tower.
Easy, breezy, lemon squeezy...right?
Authorities thought it would be as easy as making a few well-placed phone calls. A Bayou lesson, if it seems simple, it probably ain't. Here is what actually went down:
"The agent in charge, Sheriff Williams said he attempted to use the man’s cell phone signal to locate him, but the man was behind on his phone bill and the Verizon operator refused to connect the signal unless the sheriff’s department agreed to pay the overdue bill. After some disagreement, Williams agreed to pay $20 on the phone bill in order to find the man."
$20 FREAKIN' dollars!!?!?! This Verizon operator was willing to let a man die for $20!
Here's the problem: these multi-gazillion dollar companies are, at the point of contact, staffed by a barely literate grade school dropout (or, if your even more unlucky, some guy in Sri Lanka named "Ted" posing as an American customer service rep). These company mouthpieces are given a regimented set of talking points and are told not to deviate from 'em. They have no wiggle-room. So when Officer Williams wants to broker a deal to help aid a rescue operation, operator dumba*s can't help -- they don't know how and do not have permission.
Thankfully, just as Sheriff Williams was about to pay the $20, the elderly gentleman was located. After his 11-hour ordeal, he was unresponsive and unconscious -- but alive. Another hour might have proved fatal.
So the next time you're placed on hold by "Archie" from Mumbai, think about the $20 that Verizon needed so desperately, they were willing to kill for it.
Can you hear us now?
