The sad thing about it I use allots of them there terms..........
"How to Annoy Northerners"
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down
yonder on the left."
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly
so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell
'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC
basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they
don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle
names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression"
in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War,"
always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady."
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For
example: It's "pee-can."
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of
New York is New York City. In other words, if they say
"Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!" say, "Well I'll be, my
wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show
up with a box of Moon Pies. . . banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba."
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to
school. "Fetch" something.
20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do"
something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all
conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving
directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and
turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I
think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP.
Anyway, turn right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I?
Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big
fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to
be on the other side of town.."
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell
em you went driving around in your convertible this
weekend.
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion."
-- Winston Churchill
