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[LoneStar]

A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed
and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and
asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter
with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care What
you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor Says that
not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old!"

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old Cranberries?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.   

[RedDragon]

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where the
hell
have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in
disdain.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on
his
privates?"

"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like
to
play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And,
lastly,
instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and
blow
a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 232 at John Hopkins Hospital.

[HeadGuess]

This guy walks into a bar and sits next to a woman and says "lets get married"

She says " We don't even know each other"

He says we can get to know each other on our honeymoon in Vegas.

So they go to Vegas and get married.

The next day they are setting at the pool he gets up goes to the high dive and does a triple back flip with a double twist hits the water with little or no splash.

Gets out to a standing ovation.

His wife says that was great where did you learn to dive like that.

He says I won 4 gold medals in the Olympics for high diving.

So she gets in the pool and does about 20 laps in record setting time and gets out goes back to her seat. Her husband asked were you in the olympics too?

No she says I was a whore in Laredo and worked both sides of the river.

[Swampfox]

When I stop joking that will be the day of the joke!  Joking is a way to say a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist kinda sound like a sexual act don't it.  If you didn't get this joke well its something not to be taken seriously.    This is what I do after 24 hour run for fun.  I can't catch up tonight with PepsX