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[sgtstever]

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into
effect at noon the next day.
 
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of  Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy,
promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your=
 day was going when you died."
 
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.
But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
 
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
 
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to
 the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.In a rage,
 I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator.
I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side.
 It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
 
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel
announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
 
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump.
 
"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was
like when you died."
 
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the
balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side
! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below
mine.  But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and  in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of  me, killing me
instantly."
 
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to
himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom  of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.
 
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost
too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination
and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."
 
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a  refrigerator......"

[quietguy]

Laughing my @$$ off!!!

[SouthernXer]

Talk about a crappy day....   

[Texasheat]

  Way too funny

[jmdaniel]

TOUCHING ELEPHANT STORY

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[sgtstever]

I love that damn elephant joke, pretty funny stuff there Jimbo...er, Jeff.